Isolation - "Hour Of Loneliness & The Group Of Related People"

Long time no blog, I know.
I guess it's cause I've been lost in my own thought's recently.

Tonight, I was supposed to see a medium or clairvoyant with my sister Lindsey and her friend Jackie, but when I contacted them to find out if I could still go - my sister told me she didn't know if you had to be over 18 to get in.
Great.
So I asked if she could find out and she said she would ring the church where it was being held and ask.
Apparently she never did because she never got back to me.
Which leaves me kinda bummed that she invited me and then didn't provide me with enough information thereby stopping me from going.
It makes me wonder if she even wanted me to go at all.

Sometimes, I think about my family and I see myself better off without it.
We're not a strong family.
We argue more than we get along and we keep more secrets from each other than Jeremy Kyle could keep up with.
We're a....group of related people...nothing more.
I haven't seen my sister Louise since Xmas - even then, I only saw her for five minutes. Before Xmas, I hadn't seen her since June.
Me and my brother David, we used to be tight.
But ever since the almost dvorce with his wife - we rarely speak.

I envy other families.
Thiers seem so much more damn perfect.
I watch Supernatural and think - "yeah, sure they lost thier mom but they're really good brothers. They're strong as a unit, they support each other and would die for each other. I'd rather have a really small family of two who are ALWAYS there for each other than a large family of six who don't understand (and hide secrets from) each other."
None of the qualities the Winchester Brothers have apply to my family.
Sometimes i feel like crying because of it.
Even my friends aren't as there for me as they could be.
Sometimes i even feel my best friend is using me for the things i have.

I just don't know what to do anymore.
People don't get the isolation i feel. They don't seem to understand how it feels to be so close to people - and yet still feel all alone.
I need someone who can cure that.
Someone who would share the same bond the Winchester Brothers have - with me.

Until then, i guess i only have myself and the hardest lesson anyone will ever have to face - "in the end, we are alone and there is nothing but the cold, dark wasteland of eternity."

x