The End - "Hour Of The Breaking Heart"

Well, I finished it with my boyfriend.

We were on about when and where we were going to sleep together our first time and he asked me to sleep with someone else then go back to him because he'd be too nervous to do it.
I felt cheap and dirty and it made me wonder whether he was telling the truth about being nervous, or whether he'd done something and was trying to set me up before i found out.

I don't know.

Yet after i left him today, i spoke with him over MSN and normally he'd have flipped out and been real upset or real mad.
But he wasn't. He was calm.
Yet again it makes me wonder if he did something with another girl and he's just relieved that i didn't find out what and with whom.

God, relationships are so emotionally exhausting.

Now i don't know what to do. My dad and brother would kill him if they found out what he said and my mum practically banned me from seeing him or speaking to him after she found out.

Maybe i should listen to my heart, as Vez + Matty have told me to do countless times.
Yet, somehow, I can never hear it.

Right now, i'm thinking of that Mariah Carey song: One & Only.
That one and Shake It Off.

Well, we'll see what tomorrow brings....and maybe, just maybe, i'll start attracting some new shit.

Wish me the best.

x